On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
