Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Randomize
