He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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