Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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