he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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