YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
