I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
