She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
