TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
