Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
COCAINE IS GR8
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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