New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
