the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
