Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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