Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
