If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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