I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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