Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
