o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
