I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
