I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
