You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
