im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am spending my child support on dildos
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
