me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Come share oat with me in your robe
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
