You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
