you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
