I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
