they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
