He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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