Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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