some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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