Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
