Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
