I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
