saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
