Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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