i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
