I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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