Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
