If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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