Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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