Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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