My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
True strength comes from lack of pants
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