I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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