So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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