Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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