Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
