What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
