I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
