Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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