I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
