Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
