would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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