I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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