Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
