It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
