is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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