Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
