As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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