if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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