Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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