ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
