didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
