The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
