My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
