Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
