why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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