So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
