Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
