Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
