I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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