im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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