I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
