I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
