I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
